i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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