i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
