I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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