you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
