I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
