my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
