Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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