i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
