So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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