My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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