I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
