she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
