I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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