Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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