proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was like eating out sand paper
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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