Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
