some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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