I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize