Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
