Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I need help removing her.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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