1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
