So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
