jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
