fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
