Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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