Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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