glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
