I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize