So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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