So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
