im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
