So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
