I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
