You don't have asthma, your pregnant
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We left the knife in your bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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