that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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