I skipped work to stalk him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize