I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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