Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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