Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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