just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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