Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
