In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize