Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
