that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
