if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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