i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize