I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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