I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
