dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize