This is not my ceiling
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
