And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
