How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
