Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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