Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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