Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
