marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
