guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
