who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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