Your face is a jimmy john
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
