Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
