oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize