Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize