glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
