After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
