it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
