k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
