I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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