Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
