apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
