Just fell off a train. Bad.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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