This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
