I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize