Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
