i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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