wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
