hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
