Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
