I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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