Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
