Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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