I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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