Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
