Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
