Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
