I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
