I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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