Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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