btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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