shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize