I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
