So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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