just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
