If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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