Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
