This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
