There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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