I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
