He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
