just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
