'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
