I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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