I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
