He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
smell my finger.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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