I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
