do herpes really smell.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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