I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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