I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
